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I Have Found My Place Among The Guiltless

by Naima Sanowar

in Uncategorized

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Wow this is the year 2010. A year that represents change, fearlessness, selfless love, acceptance,  freedom,  forgiveness,  sacrifice and lastly friendship. I am turning 40 years old this month of May. I am okay with this, maybe because I am told so very often by people other than my family and obligated friends ” You look at least 28″. This is not why 2010 is such a thrilling year for me though. The real reason is because it is the culmination of 5 years of  being Jaden’s Mother.

I found myself coming to terms with the fact that the first two years of my son’s life ” I was basically f**ked” . My body, mind and spirit were no longer mine but belonged to this precious little being that could only function, grow and learn with my undivided dedication, support and love. This translated into sleepless nights, no privacy whatsoever, no running out to meet a friend for a quick cocktail because I felt like it, no spontaneous mind blowing sex with my “still very HOT hubby” ( yes he remained HOT while I fought to lose the 20 pounds that had refused to leave me). I wondered every day then “is this how it was meant to be” ? Come on, the universe above made it this way, it was  imprinted into my very being …billions of years of genetic code right ?

As  the 3rd year rolled along and Jaden  aka The Karate Kid,my loving, amazing son became more self sufficient, things started to ease up a bit, for instance more sleep. meant a bit more energy for movement. This came with more responsibilities , the pressure to  be the ” perfect mum” . Jaden had a very active social and activity driven calender, art ,  music, soccer, karate. Scheduled weekly play-dates, trips to the museums, galleries , so then I became an insane multi-tasker…lets not include trying to make sure my still very HOT hubby[ the Epicurean Man} is happy, well fed and engaged.

Damn if I said in my head more often than I wanted to admit ” I love being a Mum, I just hated doing it” Oh the GUILT from these horrid thoughts and feelings. After all I would do anything for my son, and my dedication was and is never ending,  after all I loved being Jaden’s mummy

The Guilt, The Guilt, The Guilt. It capitulated me like a ” mummy”. I just wallowed in what I can only describe as some kind of ” mommy sulking”. Being the over achiever that I am, one day on the playground I ventured out and introduced myself to a few mums. We scheduled a Mummy play date ( the mum’s/kids play). We all met one very hot day at this very cute, sexy french bistro, while the kids drew colorful pictures, we mums had yummy sangria. We laughed, swapped stories of how we really felt, not caring anymore to be judged. That is when I realized as cliche as it sounded it does ” take a village” a wonderful, fabulous ” mummy village” .

And here I am before you all a Mum, who before I had a child, was  social, stylish, ambitious, spontaneous. Then came the baby, my life became well ” no longer mine” I had a mountain of guilt for longing for my past life, trapped in the feelings of ” never again will I be able to balance the pre-baby with the post-baby life” . Then I met “THEM” the Mother’s , some were in the same dilemma I was in, some were there and found themselves and got their mojo back. All gave me support and non-judgement and most importantly GUIDANCE.

My son is 4 years old now and thru many, many adventures together and also solo I have found and I am rejoicing in the new MOI. A mother, a wife , a WOMAN. Today I feel joyous, creative, naughty, sensually alive again. I have come to the realization that my personal power and acting upon it  is the  best gift I can give my son and my husband. I Have found that I CAN BE GUILTLESS AND DARE TO REBEL.

A Guiltless Mom

X

Naima

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

paul ollivierra May 8, 2010 at 1:38 AM

i thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog,u have a gift without a doubt

admin May 8, 2010 at 7:23 AM

Thanks Paul, it means so much for the support. It motivates me more knowing you are enjoying my writing.

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Padama May 19, 2010 at 8:41 AM

Thank you for sharing your experience. You give a voice to so many moms that have gone through this experience and so many that are sill going through it. I love it! Continue the good work!

Padama

Naima Sanowar May 19, 2010 at 10:37 AM

Hi Padama,

I am so happy to hear you like TheGuiltless. We truly need one another to support and motivate each-other thru mummy-hood.

X

Deborah Smallhorne May 23, 2010 at 10:37 AM

Wow, Namia
I can relate with you and all the other mothers out there who are constantly trying to balance it all. I as I read the article, I found myself in your words; for different reasons. I was totally immerse into being a mother the first three years of my son’s life. I t has been a slow climb back to myself again. Returning back to work three years ago helped tremendously. Taking amazing trips, without my family, going on fun family vacations, having great supportive family and friends is what life is all about. As I turn 40 in October, I realize that I have a wonderful husband and son, I am humbled, grateful for the life we have created. It is so nice to see you doing well, I read your updates and I am happy that you have a terrific life. It is hard to imagine this chapter in one’s life when you are a teenager entering college. I love read the Guiltless.

Deb Smallhorne

Naima Sanowar May 23, 2010 at 11:05 AM

Hi Deborah,

What a lovely comment and thanks so much for your support of our Blog. Mummy-hood is beautiful. I am so glad that there are forums now to be able to communicate with other Mum’s about genuine feelings, get advice on how to balance life with kids, etc. Life is terrific Deborah but stressful as everyone else out there. I have my over-whelming days, when I can easily shut down but as a Mum we must keep it moving.

I treasure that you love reading theadventurista.com

x
Naima

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